Wedding Ceremony

Universal Life Church

James: On behalf of Trystan and Thomas, I'd like to welcome you all and thank you for being here to share in this happy occasion.

A wedding ceremony is an outward form. To be true, it must be a symbol of something inner and real: a sacred personal union which nature might mirror, a church can solemnize, or a state may declare legal for some, but which only love can create and mutual loyalty fulfill.1

To last, a marriage should be a consecration of each person to the other, and of both to the wider community of which they are a part. Because Thomas and Trystan feel a great closeness and respect for all of you here, they chose each of you to witness their vows today. Marriage is an intensely personal act, but, in order for the couple's marriage to gain strength to last throughout the years, their union must be supported by their greater society of family and friends.

In this spirit, Trystan and Thomas ask all of you now: do you support their marriage and accept the new partner into your life as family and a friend of your own?

Guests: We do.

[Families need to start this, loudly and clearly.]

James: Thank you all.

Now, Thomas and Trystan, marriage is a serious and lifelong commitment. The vows you make today should not be made lightly or without forethought. Are you prepared to enter into this solemn covenant?

Trystan and Thomas: We are.

James: The German poet Rainer Maria Rilke2 wrote of marriage extensively in his letters. Trystan and Thomas feel that Rilke's words are an apt expression of their own views on marriage, and chose to include them now:

For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.

Marriage naturally combines the strengths and wills of two people so that, together they seem to reach farther into the future than they did before. Above all, marriage is a new task and a new seriousness -- a new demand on the strength and generosity of each partner.

The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries. On the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his or her solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.

Love is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in yourself, to become world, to become world in yourself for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on a person, something that chooses you and calls you to vast distances.

Rilke's words on marriage emphasize what the individual brings to the union. But there is a spiritual aspect as well. Thomas and Trystan believe their love transcends the everyday world, and there is a Chinese legend that suggests how their souls might be linked for eternity.3

According to this legend, at birth the gods tie an invisible silken red cord around the ankles of a man and a woman destined to be husband and wife. As the years pass, the cord grows shorter and shorter, until finally they are united. Nothing can break this cord -- not distance, not changing circumstances, not even death.

In homage to this legend and to Trystan's Chinese ancestry, the couple will now share wine from nuptial glasses tied together with a silken red cord.

[Trystan and Thomas each drink from a glass. Crossing arms, they exchange glasses and drink again.]

James: This is the essence of a Chinese wedding ritual called tuan yuan or "completing the circle." The red cord tying the couple's souls together now forms a circle around their hearts, uniting them forever in this life and the next. The sharing and mingling of wine is symbolic of a harmonious married life.

Trystan's friend Janet Canning would like to offer a reading about love's lessons at this time.

Janet: [reading]

"A Lesson in Love" by Trystan L. Bass4

Love fully and completely -- don't hold back

Don't be afraid to be a human like the rest of us

Let your heart feel all it can and could and should

Let others know the depth and breadth of your emotions

Love fully and completely -- express yourself in love

Be yourself, feel free to the wind and sky

Be whoever you are and let your lover know it

Love fully and completely -- live a passionate life

Take time with all your loved ones

To be tender and joyful and playful and noisy

Be erotic and sensuous and satisfying and silly

Love is not love without passionate intensity

Love fully and completely -- whoever you love

Love yourself, all of you, inside and out,

Love others, friends, family, and romantic entanglements alike

Love humankind for their greatness and forgive their pettiness

Above all, love your home earth, fully and completely,

For in the end, she'll open her dark arms for your final embrace

James: As they take their marriage vows, Trystan and Thomas would like to talk to each other about the love that has brought them here today.

Trystan: I have, for the first time, found what I can truly love -- I have found you. You are my sympathy -- my better self. I think you good, gifted, lovely. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I've never felt this way before. I like who I am because of it. There isn't another soul on this planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you. Please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you mean to me.5

[Trystan and Thomas hold hands]

I, Trystan,

take you, Thomas,

to be my husband

to love you and to cherish you

to help you and to honor you

to give you understanding and comfort

in whatever the future may bring

I look forward to the joy we will find

in each other's separate successes,

as well our shared ones,

and welcome the challenge of whatever obstacles we encounter.

By the exchange of these vows,

we not only join ourselves together as partners,

but also create a new family, of which we are the heart.

So in the name of all that we have created together and all we are yet to become, I offer you my love and loyalty, for always and for ever.6

Thomas: I come here today out of love for you. But not just for love of your dazzling, witty smile, your whimsical nature, or your passionate longings. I enter into this marriage today not only for who you are, but for who we are -- who we've become. Our journey ahead will be fruitful and divine, whether through material riches or from our wealth of passion for each other. We will share adventures unbound --- both challenges and triumphs -- but will always nurture each other's souls from now until the end of time. I too am changed forever by my love for you. Together in our metamorphosis, we have truly completed one another.

[Thomas and Trystan hold hands]

I, Thomas,

take you, Trystan,

to be my wife

to love you and to cherish you

to help you and to honor you

to give you understanding and comfort

in whatever the future may bring

I look forward to the joy we will find

in each other's separate successes,

as well our shared ones,

and welcome the challenge of whatever obstacles we encounter.

By the exchange of these vows,

we not only join ourselves together as partners,

but also create a new family, of which we are the heart.

So in the name of all that we have created together and all we are yet to become, I offer you my love and loyalty, for always and for ever.

James: Thomas and Trystan, in exchanging words and vows, you have declared your intent to live together in love for all your days. Now you may share a tangible, outward sign of your union and commitment.

Rings are an ancient symbol, blessed and simple. Round like the sun, like the eye, like arms that embrace. Circles, for love that is given comes back round again and again. Therefore, may these rings remind you that your love, like the sun, illuminates; that your love, like the eye, must see clearly; and that your love, like arms that embrace, is a grace upon this world.7

[Irina hands Trystan the ring.]

Trystan: [Places ring on Thomas' finger.]

With this ring, I take you to my heart as my one and only great love, my husband, and to you I will be true for always and ever.

[Mike hands Thomas the ring.]

Thomas: [Places ring on Trystan's finger.]

With this ring, I take you to my heart as my one and only great love, my wife, and to you I will be true for always and ever.

James: Thomas' mother, Mary Lord would like to offer a reading about remembering love at this time.

Mary: [reading]

"Remembering Love" by Thomas Dowrie8

Twas once long ago on a warm spring night

With my own two eyes I espied

Two shadowy figures, and as I grew nearer

They seemed to be entangled vines

The figures stood beneath a large oak tree

And gazed into each other's eyes

Aware of no more than the tree and themselves

These were two perfect lovers entwined

As I stopped and stood still, careful not to stir

I reminisced about moments like these

When the world outside blurs with each passing thought

And time ceases with the greatest of ease

When all that truly matters should the world come to pass

Is the warmth of your true love's hand

Caressing your spirit by some mystic means

Each touch a sensation so grand

And so as I stood in my place of reflection

I felt a tear well in my eye

No sadness did I feel for these two lovers

Or myself as I began to cry

My tears were of joy for the lovers of the world

As I watched these two move away

For I know that true love can exist for all and I

Still feel it for my love every day

Trystan, James, and Thomas during the handfasting.

James: There is an ancient Celtic tradition of binding a couple in marriage by hand-fasting -- literally, tying their hands together with cord or ribbon as a symbol that they are bound together not just for a lifetime, but for eternity.

Trystan and Thomas have decided to include a hand-fasting in their wedding ceremony in homage to Thomas' Scottish ancestry and to emphasize their eternal bond and reinforce the feeling that they never wish to be parted from one another.9

[Trystan and Thomas join hands, right to right, left to left. James wraps silver cord around their joined hands.]

Trystan: I give you my hand in marriage.

Thomas: And I give you mine.

Trystan: My Love for you is a bond made in perfect trust.

Thomas: My Trust in you is a bond made in perfect love.

James: May your wedding bring you many blessings.

May you be blessed with beauty and eloquence.

May you be blessed with love and passion.

May you be blessed with vision and wisdom.

May you be blessed with honesty and justice.

May you be blessed with empathy and understanding.

[Removes cord.]

Trystan: Love given in trust brings freedom; let us be free to love.

Thomas: Trust given with love brings freedom; let us be free to trust.

James: Thomas and Trystan have bound themselves to each other, both figuratively and literally. Their union will be the heart of a new family, joining and extending the Bass and Dowrie families.

The Chinese word for marriage, hun-yin, implies not just a joining of individuals, but a relationship between families. The ties are spiritual as well as physical, memories and emotion running as deep as blood.10

Behind us stand two candles, one lit by Trystan's parents, Florence and Robert, and the other lit by Thomas' parents, Mary and Robert. To celebrate this newly joined family, Trystan and Thomas will now join the single flames to form a united flame that will warm their hearts and home from now on.

[Trystan and Thomas each take a lit taper candle and together light the large pillar candle between them.]

James: While we bask in the candles' glow and reflect on what the future holds for Thomas and Trystan, a friend of the couple, Scott Yourmans, would like to read from Oh the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss.

Scott: [reading]

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the couple who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.

About some you will say, "We don't choose to go there."

With your heads full of brains and your shoes full of feet,

you're too smart to go down, any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any

you'll want to go down.

In that case, of course,

you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there

in the wide open air,

Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,

don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.

OH! THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!

You'll be seeing great sights!

You'll join the high fliers

who soar to high heights!

You won't lag behind, because you'll have all the speed.

You'll pass the whole gang, and you'll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly you'll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.

Because sometimes, you won't.

You'll get mixed up of course,

as you already know.

You'll get mixed up

with so many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KIDS, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So, be your name Buxbaum or Dowrie or Bass

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So ... get on your way!

James: Trystan and Thomas, you have proclaimed your commitment to each other before your family and friends, you have symbolized the eternal strength and depth of your connection by sharing wine, exchanging rings, and by hand-fasting, and you have willingly entered into a legal contract confirmed by the State of California. So, as a representative of the Universal Life Church, I am happy to pronounce you married.

As the left hand to the right, may you be forever at one -- in caste and clan, in home and heritage, at fireside and in council, sharing all things at home and abroad, in love and in loyalty, now and for all time to come. May you be joined in heart as in law. In token, I bid you exchange a kiss.11

[Trystan and Thomas kiss. Afterwards, turn to face the guests.]

James: It is my pleasure to present Thomas and Trystan as partners in love and life.

Footnotes:

1. This introductory passage was modified from an example ceremony in Into the Garden: A Wedding Anthology edited by Robert Hass and Stephen Mitchell. This book is an excellent resource for ceremony planning and readings.

2. I found Rainer Maria Rilke's writings in Into the Garden as well.

3. This legend is described in Wild Geese and Tea: An Asian-American Wedding Planner by Shu Shu Costa. This book is very useful for anyone of Asian descent who's curious about traditional wedding arrangements and ways to incorporate them into a modern ceremony.

4. I wrote this for a graduate-level composition course many years ago and rediscovered it just in time for the wedding.

5. Since I'm a better editor than writer, I reconfigured bits of Rochester's final marriage proposal to Jane in Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre with Holden's proclamation of love in Kevin Smith's cult movie Chasing Amy.

6. Thomas and I took bits and pieces of vows from a variety of sources, including Penny Dreadful's wedding ceremony.

7. More text modified from Into the Garden.

8. Thomas starting writing this late last year, expressly for the wedding ceremony.

9. After reading thru literally dozens of hand-fasting ceremonies, we settled on this one from Penny Dreadful's wedding.

10. Another explanation lifted from Wild Geese and Tea.

11. This blessing is from the Di Catenas marriage ceremony in Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover books. I'm not sure if Bradley wrote it herself, or if it's from one of the anthologies of Darkover stories written by other writers. But it's a beautiful bit that I've had on a scrap of paper in my filing cabinet for ages, and I've always wanted to include it in my own marriage ceremony.

 ******************** 
 

The Universal Life Church offers handfasting ceremonies, funeral ceremonies and free minister training.   As a long time member of ULC, Rev. Long created the seminary site to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and it's Seminary since the beginning and have loved watching the continual growth of the seminary. Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar.